Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
