I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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