I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
