Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
