i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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