my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
