I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
