What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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