I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
