I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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