dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
