Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
i out mim tonsoeep
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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