so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Success! We fucked roommates!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
