Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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