We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
