First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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