You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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