You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
