Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
