I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
