How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
sarcasm needs its own font
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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