i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
