so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize