there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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