Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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