Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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