Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
