Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
