i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Drunk is not a location!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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