A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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