Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
