Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize