not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
