Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
