trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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