omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
