If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
