How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Your penis caused this!
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
