He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
