Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
