this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Your penis caused this!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
