I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
