in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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