I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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