This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
