Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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