Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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