I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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