Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
