My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
