Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
