This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
