I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
