I heard we made out
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
