my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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