Will you blow on my dice?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
