the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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