Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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