If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Randomize
