she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
