Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
