I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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