I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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