i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
