love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
