I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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