Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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