I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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