When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
