So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize