if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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