Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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