I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
