I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
