Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
im holly from the hills drunk
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
