I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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