This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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