It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
whose parrot is this?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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