Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize