I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
tell me about the fingering
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
