i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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