We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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