we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
